From Behind the Fading Light

SuperFogeys Superfan (and founder of the SuperFogeys Facebook Fan Club) Michael Johnston strikes again! This time, he examies the SuperFogeys in a broader context and does a great job connecting the themes of SF to my own life.  I’ll admit I didn’t think the connections were so abundant.

It’s a good read and I’m honored that Michael would think SF worthy of this kind of study.  Take it away, Michael! Let us know what kind of grade you got!

“What may have begun as a hobby and a means to practice a talent for Brock Heasley, has become a commentary on social tendencies and an alternative to the offensiveness found in a field of creativity that is beginning to have increasing effect on our world.  Heasley writes and draws a webcomic known as “The SuperFogeys” about retired heroes and villains “to save the world.  Has the world ended?  No?  Then it’s working.”  Beneath the witty comments and easy jokes however lies a statement about the importance of the family in society.  Additionally, Heasley attempts to give a cleaner strip for the enjoyment of his readers as opposed to the rising norm among webcomics.  Because of their lack of requirement for widespread success, authors of webcomics can ignore the usual limitations seen in the newspaper or other mediums, even to the extent of vulgarity and graphic violence.  Whereas, Heasley represses his characters lips and reduces actions that would be considered taboo.  While on the surface, the reader may not notice these things, an understanding of Heasley’s background as a family man and an honorable member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can help to explain some of his choices in his writing.

Webcomics as a means of artistic expression is not a new idea; some can be found spanning back into the mid 1980’s.  The lack of internet regulation however has turned webcomics into a way for express themselves without the restrictions seen by newspaper comics, even to the point of crudity and graphic brutality.  It is not all bad of course; webcomics also allow the artist to go beyond the normal form for a strip.  No longer limited to three or four frames, always of the same size, webcomic creators can shape their canvas to fit their purpose, and change that shape whenever they please.  The biggest benefit to webcomics is their variableness.  The artist is never locked into a decision.  However, this freedom is also related to the drawback of this sector of the comic world.  Many webcomics take advantage of the free reign they find in internet publication.  They publish comics full of vulgar expressions, violence, blood, mature topics, lewd ideas, and taboo behavior.  There are of course audiences for these types of publications, but they are also available to younger internet users.  Some webcomic authors however, like Heasley, seem to give an alternative for the growing trend among their peers.  Heasley’s comic was at one point featured on a website whose purpose was to provide web content suitable for the whole family to enjoy together.  This speaks volumes about the strip’s content.  While many webcomic artists seek to please their small constituent of fans, Heasley says he merely attempts to create a strip that he would enjoy reading on the subject.  As this is his aim, his background has a great deal to do with his strip’s content.

Heasley censors his characters lips and eliminates the need for many of the mature ideas found in other comics, while still remaining appealing to a wide audience.  One of the Heasley’s characters, Swifty, is a disgruntled old man.  Once faster than anything, Swifty is now forced to slow things down with the aid of a walker.  This change of pace causes him to be irritable and confrontational.  While Swifty has a dirty mouth, at one point being slapped by another character for his “un-heroic” behavior, no word is ever seen to escape his lips.  Heasley carefully replaces Swifty’s outbursts with the standard of random characters.  An early example of this was in strip number 25, with Swifty’s infamous, “Pee on me, you #%@$ pig!”  While adults will fill in their own interpretation of the meaning, younger readers can still enjoy the humor in the strip, in context of course.

Until recently, the strip had also steered away from a great deal of violence.  This may seem odd as the characters were once superheroes and villains, but the idea of the strip is that they left all that behind to relax.  Recent developments in the plot however, have shaken the once peaceful Valhalla.  Beginning with the shooting of one character as the result of an evil plot (though he later recovered), the violence level of the strip has increased further with the introduction of Tangerine, an anti-hero known for his brutality in ending the lives of evildoers.  No one could have anticipated the controversial move Heasley made in strip number 175, as Tangerine crushes the head of Dr. Rocket, once an enemy but now seemingly reformed.  Heasley’s move to such a grizzly death for Dr. Rocket has resulted in the loss of some readers.  One former reader stated that the death was “too gruesome for strip’s tone” (Kinoshita).  This uprising of sorts against the change in pace of the strip really shows what SuperFogeys has become.  While Heasley himself admits that he did not intend to, he has created an alternative to the social norm developing in webcomics.  Not all readers want a comic like “Ctrl-Alt-Del” with random sequences of ninjas attacking the characters for no apparent reason and removing their limbs, or even “xkcd,” shipping cougars instead of office chairs from eBay sales to make the world weirder.  SuperFogeys provides an exciting plot, with intrigue and scheming, maintains the humor expected of a comic, yet it relies on good art and writing rather than quick solutions.
In addition to the role it finds as an alternative in the webcomic world, SuperFogeys seems to act as a commentary on the social status of the family.  As a family man and member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, well known for their focus on the family, Heasley understands the importance of raising a strong family with good values taught in the home.  Robert D. Hales, an official in the church wrote in a 1999 article in one church magazine, “In 1995 the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles issued a proclamation to the world, declaring that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.  …  Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children’” (Hales).  This type of focus on family is clearly an influence in Heasley’s work.  Dictator Tot for instance, a young villain involved in the plot that resulted in Jerry’s shooting, was modeled after Heasley’s daughter, Elora.  The actions of Captain Spectacular throughout the plot thus far are also an interesting satire on social norms.  The Captain has been married 6 times, each one resulting in failure.  Obvious to the reader, the heroic Captain is flawed, yet fails to realize it.  Heasley says that he “think[s] one of the most effective ways to demonstrate the value of something to is to show what happens when you throw it away” (Heasley).  This is clear in Captain Spectacular’s most recent actions.  As stands idle and watches the events of Dr. Rocket’s death unfold, the reader cannot help but think of the flaws that exist within all of us that we are blind to, yet that cause us so many problems as we interact with those around us.
In addition to telling his readers that everyone is flawed, easing the pressure of society, Heasley seems to stress the importance on compromise in the family environment.  In Valhalla, heroes and villains reside together.  Once enemies in the utmost meaning of the word, they must learn to live with each other peacefully.  In the same way, family members resolve conflicts to keep their togetherness.  While Dr. Rocket spent the better part of his life as a villain, trying to conquer the world with his evil plots like the 1986 New York Bunny Infestation, in the end, he was a true friend to those around him, even saving Jerry’s life by performing a complicated surgery after he is shot by Dictator Tot.  Every family has members with problems, or that do not always reflect well on the family as a whole, yet in a strong family, the other members would still do anything for them.

Heasley is a graphic designer by trade, possessing a degree in graphics design from California State University Fresno.  While graphics are not only his profession but also his passion, Heasley focused first on providing for his family, before starting the SuperFogeys in 2006.  Even with the success of a webcomic that has run for over 2 years, and in 2007 was picked up by Th3rd World Studios, Heasley can be quoted as saying that “his greatest accomplishment remains convincing his gorgeous wife Erin to marry him” (Heasley).  As Heasley merely strives to create a strip that he would enjoy reading, he provides a clean alternative, and perhaps unexpectedly displays his own view on the importance of family to society.  These characteristics of “The SuperFogeys” are a direct result of his background.

Works Cited
Hales, Robert D.  “Strengthening Families: Our Sacred Duty.”  Ensign.  May 1999: 32.
Heasley, Brock.  The SuperFogeys.  20 November 2008.  20 November 2008 <http://www.th3rdworld.com/web-comic/The-SuperFogeys>.
Heasley, Brock.  “Rhetorical Analysis.”  E-mail to David M. Johnston.  13 November 2008.
Kinoshita, Scott.  “Good old English Papers…need your help.”  E-mail to David M. Johnston.  14 November 2008.
McCloud, Scott.  Reinventing Comics.  New York: Paradox Press, 2000.”

I have spent the past year decidedly undecided.  Tomorrow, I cast my ballot.  I do so without the great enthusiasm so many have this election year.  I think the rumors of Obama raising that dude from the dead and walking on the lake that one time are spurious at best, and I have never desired to hunt the Russians across the street with my shotgun and a helicopter.  But despite all that, I have been able to arrive at a decision.

Truth is, neither candidate represents my views entirely (I’m a registered independent), but after the debates and all the interesting turns this election has taken, I’m voting for Barack Obama.  While I may not agree with all of his policies and views, I find myself more in agreement with him than with John McCain on some issues that really matter to me.  That, coupled with the avoidance, cheap shots and over-reliance on catch phrases in lieu of actual discussion that has become the mark of the McCain campaign, my conscience really won’t let me vote another way.  Your mileage, I’m sure, varies.

Why share this? Why not?  I’m a pretty transparent individual and there’s no harm in encouraging discussion, so long as it remains civil.  If you’d like to state your case for you candidate of choice, I’d encourage you to do so.  Just be respectful.

Also, for California voters, Prop 8–which amends our state constitution to read that marriage is strictly the domain of a man and woman–is on the ballot.  I’ll be voting “yes” on that one for the simple fact that I don’t think the definition of marriage should be changed and I don’t think gay marriage is a good thing for society.  I know many, many disagree with that stance and I respect their feelings. I just don’t share them.

For me, it’s not an equal rights issue. My understanding of California law is such that no one’s rights are taken away by this.  In fact, there are many provisions and recognitions by the state for same-sex couples already. Discrimination is wrong and I firmly believe that this is not what Prop 8 is.

Prop 8 is about taking something that I believe is integral to the success of our families, communities and society as a whole and preserving it.  I disagree with those who would impose their version of morality on California by having that changed.  That, to me, is wrong.

Those are the issues that I’m most looking forward to voting on today.  Whichever side of them or others you fall on, I hope you vote your conscience and get out there.  And then, tomorrow, let’s let the dust settle and come back together.  No reason people who disagree can’t get along and NOT call each other bigots and baby killers. I’m just saying.

And now for something completely different…

Michael Johnston is one of the earliest SuperFogeys fans, going all the way back to when it was just on MySpace.  He is one of the people that really keeping me going and is always so encouraging.  Recently, he asked if I would mind if he used the SuperFogeys as the subject of a paper he was doing on “Rhetorical Analysis” at West Point in New York, where he is currently a Cadet.  Of course I said “yes.”

This week, Michael sent me a copy of the paper he wrote, and after I was able to stop gushing about how great it is, I was able to ask him if I could share it.  He agreed!  Hope you guys get as much of a kick out of this as I did.  (Personally, I think Michael should get an “A.”)

RHETORIC IN ANALYSIS

BY

CADET DAVID M. JOHNSTON ‘12, CO F4

WEST POINT, NEW YORK

26 OCTOBER 2008

Comic strips are often ignored as rhetorical situations.  However, the artist has just as much need to cause the viewer to reach certain conclusions based on their art, as does the author of a work of literature.  One example of this is the web comic, SuperFogeys by Brock Heasley.  Based in a retirement home for has-been heroes and villains, SuperFogeys follows the relationships of its characters through a myriad of intrigue and surprising situations, which often call for the use of rhetoric.  To heighten the suspense between the publications of strips twice a week, Heasley uses his images to keep the audience thinking and questioning everything about the world he has constructed.  Strip number 167 is a particularly good example of his techniques as he manipulates the reader’s thoughts just as any author does.

Four characters play an integral part in this particular strip.  The first is Captain Spectacular.  The Captain was one of the first characters introduced in the series and he continues to take part in the majority of the plot.  He was at one point much like a Superman-style hero: strength, agility, a desire to save the world, and of course a nemesis.  The second character in the strip is Jerry, Captain Spectacular’s sidekick.  Substantially younger than the Captain (only 61 years old to the Captain’s 80), Jerry even in his old age maintains a boyish admiration for his mentor.  In the third frame, the reader sees Tangerine, a more recently introduced character who was at one point a villain, and is now a hero, after befriending the Captain during a particularly difficult time.  The fourth character in the strip is still developing as a character yet.  The mysterious woman in frame four has now appeared only two or three times in the whole series, in the flashbacks that Heasley uses as he develops his plot.  Each of these characters plays their own role in inspiring questions in the reader.

Captain Spectacular has just recounted a dark time in his life in the previous strip.  He was at one point rejected by society.  No information is given about what happened, whether it was of his own actions, whether someone did something to him, or anything regarding the exact circumstances of his exile.  What is known, is that in his time of despair, Tangerine befriended him, and they began to frequent the bar scene as seen in frame 3, abandoning any responsibilities, and being men of the world.  The mysterious woman’s reappearance in this strip, in conjunction with what the reader already knows of her, gives the impression that the Captain, certainly a formidable man as a hero, with his visibly stocky strong build, become ignorant of his family.  Heasley draws the Captain as a true ladies’ man.  In the third frame with Captain and Tangerine in the bar, the Captain’s hair is styled in such a way that one would expect of the era Heasley is using.  The women flock around him, drawn to the traits that made him a hero, now aiding him to forget his family.  The reader must ask himself, how could he abandon his family when they could have helped to comfort him more than anyone?  This question is in itself a form of rhetoric.  As the reader asks himself these things, the information available in the strips previously and in future strips will cause the reader to hypothesize a certain way.  In other forms of writing and art, the same techniques are true.  Questions are used to force the reader to surmise certain things.  Like a Sudoku puzzle, assumptions are made, leading to answers to questions through reason.  This type of question-answer flow can even be considered an appeal to logos, as the reader is forced to think beyond what is immediately apparent.

Jerry’s participation in this strip gives another good example of rhetoric.  In the second frame, he sits before a court in reference to Captain Spectacular.  Visibly nervous, as illustrated by Heasley, he reveals information that no hero should ever give out, especially about his mentor and friend.  Again, the reader wonders, why would Jerry betray the Captain?  The mind wanders through the events of the series.  Jerry’s jealousy of the Captain’s relationship with Spy Gal (the Captain’s former wife and once again fiancée), his apparent feeling of inferiority when compared to the Captain, and other events which make the reader wonder if the Captain did something to Jerry in that dark time that would cause Jerry to betray him.  Additionally, Jerry’s courtroom environment in this strip is in some ways an appeal to ethos.  While this strip and its characters are of course fictional, using a court of law or a senatorial hearing as Heasley seems to portray here gives a feeling of truth and truth.  Ethos used in this way helps to put the reader in even a fictional environment with the characters, furthering the ability of the art to influence them.

In the same manner, questions arise about Tangerine’s motives.  Why would a villain befriend a hero?  Moreover, why would the Captain allow Tangerine to pull him from his family?  If Tangerine were as good a person deep down as the Captain claims to Jerry in the previous strip, why would he not do what would actually be better for the Captain as a person?  Heasley seems to bring the Captain’s ethos into question, leaving the reader to wonder what he can truly call the truth about Captain Spectacular as a hero, a friend, and a husband and father.  As the reader sees the bubbles of alcohol floating through the air and the women drunkenly clinging to the two men in frame three, disdain at the evident lack of concern is an easy emotion for Heasley to invoke.  Bottles and mixed drinks are strewn across the table, indicating that the night is certainly not young and that the Captain is spending large chunks of time with Tangerine in this environment.  This also brings into question any assumptions the reader has already made about the Captain in relation to other events in what would be called the current events of Valhalla (the name of the retirement home that serves as the base strip).  If the Captain would so quickly abandon his family and friends once when things got hard, what would prevent him from doing it again?  Interestingly, Heasley is able to use his art of flashbacks in his strips as not only a means to provide additional background information for his ethos appeal and logos appeal through the reader’s logic paths, but also to show times of happiness and sadness to increase his pathos appeal.

Along those lines, the mysterious woman—clenching her love’s picture and bowing her head in despair as her baby tosses food about the room—gives a powerful pathos appeal.  Gripped by compassion and sympathy or even empathy for the woman, the reader cannot help but be persuaded against the Captain as his own sidekick reveals his identity; leaving his wife and child alone and moping, while he is out carousing with a villain, apparently unconcerned with those who really matter.  The woman’s anguish is reiterated as one knee rests to the ground, head sullen, allowing her hair to cover her no longer smiling face.  More questions arise in the reader’s mind: Who is this woman really?  Who is the child?  Left to ponder these inquiries, the reader waits anxiously for the next strip to roll around, to gain more tidbits of information to build on the foundation of knowledge that has been left in ruin after astonishing revelations.  This also increases the importance of hidden clues in Heasley’s artwork.  The reader searches for characteristics in these mysterious characters to compare to those who are well known.

Through his use of questions as a rhetorical device, and the details which he weaves into his images, Heasley keeps his audience guessing, never sure until the truth is revealed, often as a huge surprise.  These details help to bring his readers into the world he has created, allowing them to feel the emotions of a firsthand observer and draw conclusions as anyone who was there would be able to.  Heasley applies to the reader’s deductive reasoning through logos, his goodness, and virtues through pathos, and his appreciation for things that make sense and are believable, even in an unreal environment, through ethos.  In a sense, Heasley’s purpose is quite simply to entertain through his intriguing story and his diverse characters.  However, this style also allows him to create a deeper commentary on life, the morals that we see, and the ideals that society holds, even in a fictitious world.

Works Cited
Heasley, Brock.  The SuperFogeys.  27 October 2008.  27 October 2008 <http://www.th3rdworld.com/web-comic/The-SuperFogeys>.

Heasley, Brock.  “Rhetorical Analysis.”  E-mail to David M. Johnston.  9 October 2008.

As much as I am currently enjoying my life and look forward to the future with a sense of hope, I can’t help but also think back and examine my life and think about how I got here.  I think I’ve finally reached an age where my life can qualify for ‘epic’ status.

That’s right, I have fought in the desert, parted seas, driven chariots, defeated Death Stars, and been on both an excellent adventure and a bogus journey.

Okay, so the truth is that I’ve lived in California most of my life and my one visit outside this country was an evening and afternoon spent with riotous women in Rosarito, Mexico.

Okay, I set off fireworks on the beach.  But they were pretty.  And loud.

I know what you’re saying: “Where o where did this guy come from?  What made him the man he is today?  When is the A&E Biography scheduled for?  What secrets will an investigation into his past uncover that I might know him better and, perhaps, be like him?  Dare I to dream?”

Dream, friend.  Dream.

It is a fact that I was mean as sin before my 5th birthday.  I’m pretty sure that if I had met a sumo wrestler  when I was 4-years-old that I could have taken his butt with a stinky diaper from my little brother in one hand while sipping my juicebox in the other.  Believe it.  My mom was, of course, unaware of my delinquent nature.  One day when she tried to drop me off at Sunday School she was told I was no longer in the class I had been going to for the past few months, but that I had been moved to another class altogether.  “Down the hall this way,” my mom was told as my surly little self lingered at her side making the finger-across-the-throat kill sign to any snot-nosed, bible-lovin’ brat who dared to look at me.

We walked–my mom thinking I must be pretty special and me stomping the life out of any ants that dared to cross my path.  I imagined their tiny ant screams and laughed.

We entered the room at the end of the hall and mom was quite surprised by what she saw.  Sitting in the middle of the room on a chair was a pleasant woman with a fearful smile.  Opposite her was another chair, empty.

Mom:  Is, is this the class that Brock’s supposed to be in?

Teacher: Yes, this is it.

Mom: But, where are the other kids?

Teacher:  Oh.  There aren’t any other kids in this class, just Brock.  It’s a new class just for him.

Mom:  You mean you were called to be his teacher?  Just his teacher?

Teacher:  That’s right.

Of course I don’t remember any of this.  This is the story as told to me by my mother.  But the fact remains that I beat on the other little 3- and 4-year-olds so badly that the people in charge of Sunday School felt it necessary to call a whole ‘nother teacher to teach just me.  When I turned five, I experienced a complete turn-around in personality.  I have my suspicions as to why that happened but that’s not a tale for today.

One event from my early life that I do remember quite well was the time I O.D.’ed on Flintstone Vitamins.  I bet you didn’t even know you could do that.  Well, you can.  And I did.  For those of us who grew up not chewing the nougat of the 3 Musketeers nor the Joy to be found in Almonds, Flintstone Vitamins were like crack cocaine.  My 6 year-old self firmly believed that “Vitamin” was a misnomer for what Fred and his pals had to offer.  For one, they were multi-colored.  Fruit Loops are multi-colored.  Jelly Beans are multi-colored.  Vitamins?  Vitamins were the colors the makers of shag carpeting rejected before settling on puke green.

Also, they were shaped like cartoon characters.  Like, good cartoons.  Not that Davey and Goliath garbage that was made by Mister Rogers’ more self-righteous, older brother.  No, Flintstone Vitamins featured characters from a a cartoon where a guy operated a brontosaurus for his job and had a little green alien that granted wishes.  Heck…yes.  Obviously the makers of vitamins had put one over on my mother.

And they tasted like sugar.  Sugar.  Not cod liver oil–sugar.  There was no fooling me.  I had only to wait for my mom to turn her back and a friend to assist.  Once Mikey showed up, we ran into my backyard and opened that sweet, colorful bottle under the large shade tree.  There was no one around.

My mom was on the phone.  Mikey took the first one; I took the second.  I don’t know how many “vitamins” we ate that day, but I do know that the bottle was empty by the time we were done and our tongues were blue.  They say that if you mix all the colors of the rainbow you end up with white.  Actually, that’s not true.  It’s blue.

Things were fine the first couple of hours.  Mikey went home and I tuned in to Transformers.  Things started to go south around the time the Decepticons attacked and Starscream wimped out (again).  I could feel it coming, fast.  I screamed.  “Mooooooooommmmmm!!!!!!!”

I don’t know why she rushed me out to the front yard instead of the toilet.  Was I not worthy of the toilet or was it about the public humiliation?  Whatever it was, Mikey’s grandma had the same idea because in-between wretches I was able to catch glimpses of him spewing rainbows into the bushes across the street.  As it turned out, they really were vitamins.

So you see dear readers, I am just like you.  We all, even a 9-to-5 graphic artist with a side career in cartooning, come from somewhere.

“The blood ran down the back of his ear, trickling onto the sheet that covered his shoulders. ‘It’s cold,’ he thought. The florescent lighting highlighted the shiny red excretion and yet still no one noticed. He waited. Was she coming back? Was she dead? How could he be sure? All he could think about was the sting that clung ferociously to the side of his head, sending stabbing reminders of what had just happened…and what was owed him.”

The preceding narration is a an accurate depiction of which of the following?

a) That time in High School when I had to go to the hospital after injuring myself while making the game-winning touchdown.

b) That time I gave blood and they missed my arm and hit my head.

c) How my last relationship before my wife ended.

d) My last haircut.

Have you chosen? Ready for the answer? Okay, here we go. If you answered d) then you’re in the winner’s circle. If you answered a) then you are either new to this blog (in which case, welcome) or you have not been paying very close attention. If you answered b) then I think you have issues. I don’t think b) is even possible. Maybe you want it to be. If you answered c) then you’re wrong but you’re in luck. c) is the topic of a future blog I’m already working on. (It’s taking some time to do that one because I have to prepare myself for the inevitable embarrassment.)

As of this writing, I’m 6 days out from that last haircut and I can still feel the wound. Oh, how she wounded me. After my last hair stylist quit and decided to go upscale, I have been on a constant hunt for a new place to get my once-every-6-weeks haircut. I’ve tried North Fresno. (Rich part of town.) I’ve tried Clovis. (East of Fresno and home of the casual hick, i.e. hicks that shop at Old Navy.)

I thought, “Well, why not try South Fresno?” (Home of everyone scary and of ill repute, i.e. the poor. Ooh, it’s a scary poor person! Quick, shuffle away and don’t make eye contact!) I work in South Fresno and there is a chain salon on the way home from work, it’s perfect.” And that may be the only time that anyone, anywhere referred to ‘Supercuts’ as ‘perfect.’ I’m not one to believe in fate but I truly think it was my destiny to bleed that day. I signed my name at the bottom of a very long list of people waiting for a haircut, sat down, and waited.

After her heavy sigh and a swig of the water bottle, the hairstylist finally worked up enough courage to start reading off the names. 1…2…5…9 names read and no response. Was there a mass exodus from the shop that I missed out on? I should have recognized it for the omen that it was. Instead, I sat patiently, wrongly praying that she’d get all the way down to my name with everyone on the list safely in the alternate universe they had clearly disappeared to. 12 names later I hear, “Brad?”

Close enough.

I sat down in the chair and the plastic sheet was wrapped around me. (I neglected to think about how much warmth a plastic sheet might provide on a cold night, but as I type this the thought does occur to me: Probably not very much.) My hairstylist was hispanic. I once knew a hispanic girl named Juana and I’ve always liked the name. Since I couldn’t be bothered to check her name tag, we will call my hairstylist Juana.

I doled out my orders: “I just want a number two, high fade. Short, but not too short on top.”

“How do you style it?” Juana asks.

“Oh, I don’t know. Just whatever.” Obviously, I am partly responsible for the tragedy that followed.

Juana broke out the razor and a twinge of terror gripped me. Razors are not my friends. She started over by my right ear and did a good job of getting my salt and pepper goodness onto the floor. (That’s right, I’m going gray. What of it?) It was when she approached the backside of my right ear that I felt it. She had just barely nicked me and I managed to not flinch. I was pretty sure she didn’t break the skin so I didn’t say anything.

Juana moved around my head with little incident until she reached my left ear. This time, she dug the razor right in there and I felt it. Oh, how I felt it. I quickly jerked my head to the side in a fashion not seen since the anatomically incorrect move Han Solo pulls on Greedo in the Special Edition of Star Wars.

“Are you alright?” Juana’s concern was touching.

“No, I’m fine. I think you hit me.”

“I hit you?”

“Yeah. With the razor? I think you hit me with the razor.”

“The razor? I hit you with the razor?”

“Yeah, y’know, I think you cut me? I’m pretty sure I’m bleeding.”

“Really.”

It’s then that I realized I was having one of the stupidest conversations of my life. Just look at my ear, lady! She finally did and she gasped in horror. I couldn’t see it, but I could feel what had happened pretty well. I felt a long sting down the back of my ear and that cold feeling? Yeah, that was my blood.

“I’m sorry. I feel so evil now.”

Did she intend to cut me? I decided to let her odd comment slide. “It’s okay, this has happened before.”

Okay, confession time: I have strange, possibly vulcan ears. They come to more of a point on top than the nice roundness you humans are so blessed with. Also, they’re hard as rocks. I was once told they have extra cartilage, which is what makes them so inflexible. This is generally only a problem on two occasions: 1) At night, if I sleep on one side of my head too long my ear starts to hurt and I have to change sides. 2) When I get a haircut.

The first time it happened was while I was living in Arizona. There was a stylist I would frequent and 9 times out of 10, I’d leave her shop with a band-aid on my ear. I know what you’re thinking, “Why did you go back?” Two words: free haircuts. I was a missionary at the time and she was a member of the church so… Arizona lady may have been the first, but she was not the last. I have a natural, justified fear of razors.

Juana oohed and aahed over my cut ear for a bit more and then went to the back room to grab a Band-aid. Meanwhile, I was sitting there bleeding profusely from the ear (That’s right, I’m a bleeder) and wondering what this must look like to the other patrons. It can’t be good for business to have a man sitting in one of your chairs, bleeding. I could just imagine a little kid walking in, pointing and screaming, “Mommy! I don’t want to get my hair cut! I don’t want to!” Clearly, Juana did not share my fears.

I sat in that chair, alone, for an uncomfortably long time. When she finally came back she was extremely apologetic. I thought, “Yes, a free haircut!” As she cut my hair, I found myself in the strange position of reassuring HER. She felt really bad and I tried to let her know it was okay, it was what I expected when I get my hair cut. We made jokes, we laughed. Had there been homeless people there, we might have served them meals together.

I guess Juana really thought everything was okay because she charged me the full amount. It would have been nice to get the haircut for free or even at a discount, but I was okay with paying. Sure, I was bleeding, but I bleed a lot when I get my hair cut. It was par for the course and I blamed my parents and their freaky genes more than I blamed Juana. I even tipped her to make sure she knew everything was okay. Because, in spite of everything, she gave me a really great haircut. At a ‘Supercuts.’

-Brock

This is the official kick-off of my not-quite-all-new, all-different blog, From Behind the Fading Light.  Previous to the creation of the SuperFogeys, I had a blog that I kept going for about 2 years called From Behind the Light which I kept on MySpace and served as the genesis for a lot of my current projects.  That blog fell by the wayside as life and SF took over, but now I think it’s time to jump back on the blogging wagon. I mean, everybody’s doing it these days.  Even my mom.

What you’ll be seeing here will be new blogs along with some of old ones.  My old blog had a decent following, but most readers of SF have likely never read it.  Combine that with the fact that From Behind the Light was almost never topical and I don’t imagine anyone will even be able to tell the difference between the old stuff and the new stuff (except of course for the fact that the old stuff will be written very, very poorly).

I hope you’ll make this blog a regular stop as you read the SuperFogeys twice-weekly.  In it you’ll find slightly unbelieveable (but always true) stories from my life, lists (I love lists), Movie and TV reviews, etc., etc.  This is my repository for whatever flits through my brain, writing exercises and attempts to unlock the secret of life (margarine, not butter).

See you around.

-Brock